Once upon a time, a girl was mean to me. I don’t remember how or why, and I retaliated because I didn’t know any better, but I only remember being a victim. This was in elementary school. When I think of this girl, all I can think of is how mean she was. That’s my lasting impression of her that will not go away unless we meet again, which we likely won’t. I’m sure that this girl is very mature now, considering that she’s an adult like me. I’m sure she’s not mean anymore. But I still have the lingering impression of her that has stayed with me from elementary school. People that were rude or arrogant because they were seven, are still rude and arrogant in my mind, even though they likely aren’t anymore. They left an impression of themselves in my brain, something that won’t diminish. It fades with time, but never disappears unless I completely forget the person or my impression has a reason to change.
If I see a person I went to elementary school with walking down the street that I didn’t like, negativity is all I can think of. Then, if I see a person that I went to elementary school with that I really did like, I’m excited and want to talk to them. I realize now that they probably have no idea who I am anymore, because the impression I have is only based off of something they did once many years ago that they no longer remember.
Maybe this is just a girl thing or something. Or maybe it’s just a “me” thing. All I know is, I never remember a physical person, I remember what I felt when I was around them and how they treated me and who I think that person is. I think that’s how everyone is...I desperately hope so. Actually, never mind. I desperately hope that I’m just the crazy one, because if I’m not then I’ve been unknowingly leaving first impressions in people’s mind that I have no way of knowing about or changing.
Making a good last impression used to be a big deal to me. Since I was friends with quite a few guys in high school, I usually had zero indication of what their lasting impression of me would be. That fact used to really bother me. I don’t know why, but I think it’s because I knew that I would remember the things they said and did for quite a while, and I didn’t want to be quickly forgotten. This had me believe that guys didn’t have lasting impressions of anybody, which I considered to be a wonderful thing. I felt like an emotional girl that had the desperate need to tell her guy friends that she was going to miss them, while very few of them returned the favor. It doesn’t bother me anymore though, because I know now that being friends with girls in high school is just as confusing in regards to last impressions. High school girls tell you what they think of you, but half the time they’re lying. They’re the ones that write “let’s hang out” in your yearbook, with no intention of doing so. So the girls that seemed to like me in high school don’t make eye contact now, and the girls that I barely talked to run up to me in the supermarket. Really, then, I’m left just as uninformed with the girl’s lasting impression of me as I am with the guy’s. Sometimes I wish that the girls that barely knew me would just do the “what’s up?” nod that I get from high school boys instead of faux enthusiasm that I have to reciprocate in order to be polite.
Considering I’ve heard men and women talk about the people that made positive lasting impressions, I think that high school boys simply didn’t want to get sentimental over high school ending, and high school girls thought they were supposed to get sentimental over high school ending. The truth was, both parties were going to remember certain people for the positive or negative impact they had on them.
However, I still wondered about the impressions that I was leaving behind. This was why yearbooks were a big deal to me. My signature was my lasting impression. It had to be a good one. Around spring break, I would plan out what I was going to say in everyone’s yearbook. It couldn’t just be my name and a smiley face. It had to represent me and how I would miss that person without getting too mushy or creepy. It had to be specific. I never said “let’s hang out” because I knew I wouldn’t be able to follow through (although I may be wrong. I don’t remember now).
Some friends were easy to write for, but others (usually the guys) were more difficult because I wanted to be meaningful without giving them the wrong idea. They thought I was weird when they read my signatures, but I hoped that down the line, it would bring back pleasant memories.
I also knew I’d be signing the yearbooks of people I barely knew or didn’t particularly care for. I determined who those people would be and what I would say without pretending we were amazing friends or being completely dismissive. So when someone asked me to sign their yearbook that I didn’t anticipate, it totally threw me off. Yeah, I’m the crazy one.
It’s funny now, because I have no idea what I said in anyone’s yearbook at this point. There are some that I think I was too meaningful in, and those where I was dismissive when I shouldn’t have been. I do remember the gist of what I was going to say in a couple yearbooks I never got to sign, because those were lasting impressions I never got to make. Now I’m stuck wondering, like most people I guess.
At the same time, though, do I really want to know? If I wasn’t ignorant, I’d probably just be disappointed. Sure, there may be a couple pleasant surprises, but that wouldn’t make up for all the people that have forgotten me. I mean, I can’t expect people to remember me for that long. I’m not memorable, most people aren’t. Close friends and role models are memorable, but people are just people.
This reminds me of a time during sophomore year, when I saw a guy outside of school who just looked at me and said, “Hey, I know you!” I had absolutely no idea who he was. We had no classes together. He said he recognized me from the hall. I found out later we had a mutual friend as well, but I still was surprised. This was before I had acquired my Portal hoodie (the usual reason why people at school would recognize me), so I didn’t know why he remembered me. I almost felt bad I didn’t recognize him, even though I shouldn’t have. I doubt that I left a lasting impression in this guy’s mind or anything, but it still makes the point that sometimes the impressions aren’t mutual, and that’s to be expected.
All that I can do, then, is hope to be remembered. However, I matured a lot in high school. Maybe I should hope to be forgotten, because the person I am now is a lot different than the person I was four years ago. And by “different” I mean “immature” and “annoying.” Most everyone else was the same in their freshman year though, so I guess that doesn’t matter much. I guess I shouldn’t hope for anything, because the first and last impression someone has of me is something I can’t change. It is the way it is.
I’ll probably just be remembered as that nerd who liked Portal and talked too much. Hey, that’s accurate enough for me!
If I see a person I went to elementary school with walking down the street that I didn’t like, negativity is all I can think of. Then, if I see a person that I went to elementary school with that I really did like, I’m excited and want to talk to them. I realize now that they probably have no idea who I am anymore, because the impression I have is only based off of something they did once many years ago that they no longer remember.
Maybe this is just a girl thing or something. Or maybe it’s just a “me” thing. All I know is, I never remember a physical person, I remember what I felt when I was around them and how they treated me and who I think that person is. I think that’s how everyone is...I desperately hope so. Actually, never mind. I desperately hope that I’m just the crazy one, because if I’m not then I’ve been unknowingly leaving first impressions in people’s mind that I have no way of knowing about or changing.
Making a good last impression used to be a big deal to me. Since I was friends with quite a few guys in high school, I usually had zero indication of what their lasting impression of me would be. That fact used to really bother me. I don’t know why, but I think it’s because I knew that I would remember the things they said and did for quite a while, and I didn’t want to be quickly forgotten. This had me believe that guys didn’t have lasting impressions of anybody, which I considered to be a wonderful thing. I felt like an emotional girl that had the desperate need to tell her guy friends that she was going to miss them, while very few of them returned the favor. It doesn’t bother me anymore though, because I know now that being friends with girls in high school is just as confusing in regards to last impressions. High school girls tell you what they think of you, but half the time they’re lying. They’re the ones that write “let’s hang out” in your yearbook, with no intention of doing so. So the girls that seemed to like me in high school don’t make eye contact now, and the girls that I barely talked to run up to me in the supermarket. Really, then, I’m left just as uninformed with the girl’s lasting impression of me as I am with the guy’s. Sometimes I wish that the girls that barely knew me would just do the “what’s up?” nod that I get from high school boys instead of faux enthusiasm that I have to reciprocate in order to be polite.
Considering I’ve heard men and women talk about the people that made positive lasting impressions, I think that high school boys simply didn’t want to get sentimental over high school ending, and high school girls thought they were supposed to get sentimental over high school ending. The truth was, both parties were going to remember certain people for the positive or negative impact they had on them.
However, I still wondered about the impressions that I was leaving behind. This was why yearbooks were a big deal to me. My signature was my lasting impression. It had to be a good one. Around spring break, I would plan out what I was going to say in everyone’s yearbook. It couldn’t just be my name and a smiley face. It had to represent me and how I would miss that person without getting too mushy or creepy. It had to be specific. I never said “let’s hang out” because I knew I wouldn’t be able to follow through (although I may be wrong. I don’t remember now).
Some friends were easy to write for, but others (usually the guys) were more difficult because I wanted to be meaningful without giving them the wrong idea. They thought I was weird when they read my signatures, but I hoped that down the line, it would bring back pleasant memories.
I also knew I’d be signing the yearbooks of people I barely knew or didn’t particularly care for. I determined who those people would be and what I would say without pretending we were amazing friends or being completely dismissive. So when someone asked me to sign their yearbook that I didn’t anticipate, it totally threw me off. Yeah, I’m the crazy one.
It’s funny now, because I have no idea what I said in anyone’s yearbook at this point. There are some that I think I was too meaningful in, and those where I was dismissive when I shouldn’t have been. I do remember the gist of what I was going to say in a couple yearbooks I never got to sign, because those were lasting impressions I never got to make. Now I’m stuck wondering, like most people I guess.
At the same time, though, do I really want to know? If I wasn’t ignorant, I’d probably just be disappointed. Sure, there may be a couple pleasant surprises, but that wouldn’t make up for all the people that have forgotten me. I mean, I can’t expect people to remember me for that long. I’m not memorable, most people aren’t. Close friends and role models are memorable, but people are just people.
This reminds me of a time during sophomore year, when I saw a guy outside of school who just looked at me and said, “Hey, I know you!” I had absolutely no idea who he was. We had no classes together. He said he recognized me from the hall. I found out later we had a mutual friend as well, but I still was surprised. This was before I had acquired my Portal hoodie (the usual reason why people at school would recognize me), so I didn’t know why he remembered me. I almost felt bad I didn’t recognize him, even though I shouldn’t have. I doubt that I left a lasting impression in this guy’s mind or anything, but it still makes the point that sometimes the impressions aren’t mutual, and that’s to be expected.
All that I can do, then, is hope to be remembered. However, I matured a lot in high school. Maybe I should hope to be forgotten, because the person I am now is a lot different than the person I was four years ago. And by “different” I mean “immature” and “annoying.” Most everyone else was the same in their freshman year though, so I guess that doesn’t matter much. I guess I shouldn’t hope for anything, because the first and last impression someone has of me is something I can’t change. It is the way it is.
I’ll probably just be remembered as that nerd who liked Portal and talked too much. Hey, that’s accurate enough for me!
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