Graduation isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. I’ve heard and
contemplated this so many times, that the meaning was lost. By the time it was
almost graduation time, that phrase still circled my head, but it never really
hit me until afterward.
As noted by my other post regarding senior year, I was
already determined not to become too nostalgic or sentimental at the end of the
year, and I succeeded. Sure, signing everyone’s yearbook was a little sad,
especially for the people I literally had no way of contacting after the year
was over, but I got over it. I actually felt sympathy for the couple friends I
had that were taking graduation much too seriously. They were almost lamenting
over the fact they may not see me again, and even got angry when I wasn’t sad.
This was noted in my previous senior post, but it bears repeating since this
irritation got a lot worse as the school year came to a close.
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| Another great thing about graduating is the production of good cake. |
Overall, I was immensely excited and really wanted to get out. Although I love my friends and all my
classes this year (most of the time), as the day grew closer, I became more
antsy, as did everyone else. The hallway discussions of seniors often included
the statement, “I just want to get out of here” which may or may not have had
some obscenities interjected in there. We were all anxious, we were all in
anticipation. Some of us were excited.
I asked a lot of my friends if they were excited, before and
immediately after graduation. Most of the girls said yes, most of the guys said
no. I found this interesting. Excitement must only happen amongst the male
gender when they kill everyone in their path during a video game. I’ve seen it.
When I observe the guys playing Halo, it’s very loud and very hilarious
watching them get mad for someone killing them, even though that’s the point of the game. Graduation produced
more of a “meh” response. Most of the ones I talked to just wanted to get out.
Even graduation produces different emotions between boys and girls, and no I
will not refer to our demographic as
men and women. We are legally men and women. Nothing in our minds and words
imply anything of the sort.
Because the schedules were different practically every day,
I must have said goodbye to my friends at least five times. I was always
skeptical as to whether I would ever see them again, but I usually did anyway.
But that was ok. The guys I hung out with were tolerant of my slight (slight) sentimentality and my insistence
on writing more than just my name in their yearbook.
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| Oh..and presents! Graduating means getting presents! |
The crossover assembly was very nice, and not as sad as I
expected. My picture appeared only once in the Senior Slideshow (thank goodness).
It was the day of my last serpentine and
I was being silly, and I’m usually not silly in pictures. It was weird
seeing, because I hadn’t seen the picture since it was taken. My friend took
the picture, and she submitted it. Still, it was a nice slideshow. The baby and
primary school pictures were all very cute.
What was funny about the assembly that I particularly wanted
to note was how they kept going on about how “special” this senior class was
because we were the first freshmen in 25 years, and we get to witness this huge
remodel of the school, and we won “Most School Spirited” two years in a row.
That made me curious. What do they say to the other senior classes? Are all of them really all that great? But
that’s the only thing that really stuck with me from the assembly, even though
I’m supposed to remember this year of my life for a long time. I won’t. I’ll
remember stress, mistakes, and maybe some friends I had. And the stabbing.
That’s it.
On the last day of my AP Lit class, it hit me that I wasn’t
going to have this class anymore. It would be much more difficult to find
people who enjoy Crime and Punishment as
much as I do. Sure, I could friend my teacher on Facebook, but that isn’t the
same. I know very few people who have read the books I have, and I don’t want
that to sound conceited. I long to find those people! I want to start a Classic
Literature book club but I have neither time nor the willing people. Usually,
when I discuss the books I read, I either get people who have heard of it but
haven’t read it or I get the look that screams “You read that?!” Only in my AP Lit class could I extensively analyze Brave New World (review here) and
have people really listen to it. So, what saddened me most about leaving the
class was not the fact the class was over, but now I had to make an effort to
find people with similar interests. My close friends will gladly listen to me
ramble on about the parallel between Lazarus and Raskolnikov. But that’s not
really a discussion. But I’m over that now. I just hope that being away from AP
Lit doesn't influence me to stop reading these types of books.
The last day of school (which, for seniors, consisted of the
crossover assembly, acquiring graduation tickets and going home) was full of
last minute yearbook signing, hugs, and laughs and anticipation. Everyone
looked happy, even though we were leaving. I suppose, technically, there was
still the Senior Breakfast and the Senior Picnic, but I didn’t want to go to
either of those. I had already said goodbye and had my closure, and I didn’t
see any reason to make the goodbyes any harder. Besides, the Senior Picnic was
at a water park, and I suspected it was going to rain that day. It did.
Graduation was almost unreal. Nothing spectacular happened,
but it was weird being in a place that seemed so far off for so long. I got my
diploma and blah blah blah. I said some last minute goodbyes to people and was
so exhausted by that point, I wasn’t even excited anymore. I wanted to get out
of there, and fast. So I came home and fell asleep until 8 or 9 at night. I
didn’t eat dinner or anything. My body was almost at collapsing point and I was
pretty grouchy. I feel bad now, because my parents were proud of me and wanted
to go out to dinner, but I was exhausted and irritated, that I didn’t want to
do anything at all. We settled for KFC. I wonder how I’ll be on my wedding day.
I wonder if I’ll be so tired by the reception that I wouldn’t want to dance with
my new husband and just want to sleep on the floor until everyone went home.
Now, I have way too much free
time to know what to do with. I have yet to find a job, and have yet to obtain
my license, and I can’t really start my life until I have both of those things.
But until now, I had forgotten how long the days are and how slow time goes
when you have nothing to do. I was hoping to get some more reading done…but
I’ve been too lethargic to do anything. I’m still in the process of reading six
or so books. My main goal is to finish Fahrenheit 451. This, I think, will be my last dystopian book that I read. They’re all
the same. The main ones that were considered original in the era they were
written are 1984, Brave New World, and
Fahrenheit 451. After that, dystopian
novels are predictable and cliché. If there’s one I’m missing, let me know. But
those three are the ones everyone talks about. I got many books as graduation
presents, so I should be set for a while, in regards to reading. But I can
never keep away. I checked out more books today and I had to use my mom’s card
because mine has been blocked for a while now. I have yet to read the books I
checked out on my card, but I think I’ll return them anyway. Mystery isn’t
really my thing, although the Agatha Christie book I did read was very good.
Just not C&P good. Besides, I want to read The Jungle next.
My high school experience hasn’t
been a very significant one in regards to my peers. Frankly, I wasn’t popular
enough to be remembered by a lot of people, and I doubt I’ll remember a lot of
the friends I had after several years. All I’ll know is that I embraced
nerdiness, and surrounded myself with nerdy people (mostly guys) when I was a
senior. By that time though, I’ll probably mush junior and senior year
together. I’ll probably remember all the stupid things I did, and not enough of
the cool things I did. I might remember that I refused to act fully silly and
weird around anyone but Hayley, because I have always had this phobia (yes, an
irrational fear) of looking stupid around people smarter/cooler/better than me.
I considered most of my friends cooler than me. And many of them were smarter
than me because they had embraced nerdiness long before I had. I’ll probably
remember how I hated sitting in the back of the Sno-Isle bus, and how stressful
Sno-Isle was my senior year. But these nostalgic moments (especially after I’m
pretty much settled down) will more than likely be few and far between. High
school is supposed to be a faded memory because there’s so much you have to do
after graduation. Being well known in high school doesn’t necessarily mean
you’ll become your definition of “successful” when you’re older. Vice versa
applies as well. Saying you went to high school with a celebrity isn’t as cool
as it sounds because, chances are, you hardly remember them at all.
Of course, I want everyone I went
to high school with (including those who have yet to graduate) to have happy
lives. Just, please don’t take it personally if I unfriend you on Facebook
after a couple months or years. You probably wouldn’t remember me if we weren’t
friends of Facebook, and there’s really no reason to remember me anyway. You
have better things to think about than high school, and as do I. So please, do
not think I’m doing this because you have offended me in some way or I think
you are no longer suitable for friendship of the Facebook kind. I am only
moving on from the past, as you should be.
Best wishes.
