I'm pretty proud of myself for coming to terms with graduation before it actually happens. Some time ago, although I don't know say when exactly, I realized that most people I talk to at school now I'm not going to care about after I graduate. Some of my schoolmates get it. People change and friends come and go. That's how life is. Others think that since I'm not going to miss them three years from now then I don't care about them at all.
Seriously?
If you know me at all, you'll know I love people. More than one person should, I think. It's gotten me in trouble more than once. So it's obvious that the last day of school is going to be sad. There's an assembly where the seniors watch a slideshow and it's all very sweet. I'm looking forward to it. But I'm realistic. There's only one person I can think of that I'll probably keep it touch with for a while after graduation. Probably. Everyone else will drift, acquire new interests, and high school will only be a distant memory. That's normal. Realistic.
Am I going to miss my friends? Of course! But not for very long. Maybe a year or two. I'm thinking that some might keep in touch for a while, and then slowly forget. I used to to be that person that attempted to keep in touch, but I'm don't do that anymore because 98% of the time it's not mutual and I'm just being annoying. If they text me randomly, then I'll text them randomly too. But if it's only one or the other, the contact is few and far between. And by that I mean we see each other at the supermarket fifteen years from now.
Obviously I'll remember some people better than others. Memories will last a lot longer than just a couple years. But they'll only be memories. It's sad that so many of my schoolmates haven't come to terms that most of their friends in high school won't last after graduation. Close friends sometimes do, but even that's only probable. People change a lot from the ages of eighteen to twenty-five.
I brought this up with one of my friends a month ago, and he implied that I was acting as if we weren't friends and that I didn't care. This irritated me, but I couldn't explain it this extensively within the few seconds I had to think of a response. So I pretty much blurted out the first paragraph of this blog in a less coherent manner. The conversation ended awkwardly and I felt guilty for bringing it up. Then I realized that the end of the year is going to be a lot sadder than it needs to be. And every day I leave school in the month of June, I'm probably going to feel depressed. All my friends are going to go on about how much they'll miss me and I will go on about how I'll miss them. And I'll be sad because all the guys I hang out with won't be as emotional and I'll question whether they really ever cared. I know that's pathetic and stupid, but it's one of my girl-minded tendencies that I hate. I have brought it up before.
Anyway, the end of the semester is coming up and I'm already nervous about that. Only once of my classes is changing. It happens to be Modern Fiction, the best class to end my day. Why? The people, of course. I always laugh in that class. Every. Single. Day. Even on the day of the stabbing I laughed. I didn't want to because I felt horrible beyond words that entire week, but I did anyway. The teacher hates all of us, but that's the fun of it. Ok, not all of the fun. When she gets mad, she gets really mad. I'm sorry we're so terrible to you Ms. Short.
The point is that the class is awesome, and I'm really going to miss it. Another reason is that I have friends in that class that I wouldn't talk to if we didn't have Modern Fiction together. They're going to go away. I'll miss them terribly because I grown to care way too much about them over the past three months. But I'll get over it.
Just like how I'll get over high school. Physically and emotionally. I really wish people would see that, but I don't blame them. My first blog post about senior year was me freaking out about how I'm not going to be able to handle this. But I'll be fine. We'll all be fine.
This'll be a good year.
