Graduation: It Happened, Move On

Graduation isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. I’ve heard and contemplated this so many times, that the meaning was lost. By the time it was almost graduation time, that phrase still circled my head, but it never really hit me until afterward.

As noted by my other post regarding senior year, I was already determined not to become too nostalgic or sentimental at the end of the year, and I succeeded. Sure, signing everyone’s yearbook was a little sad, especially for the people I literally had no way of contacting after the year was over, but I got over it. I actually felt sympathy for the couple friends I had that were taking graduation much too seriously. They were almost lamenting over the fact they may not see me again, and even got angry when I wasn’t sad. This was noted in my previous senior post, but it bears repeating since this irritation got a lot worse as the school year came to a close.

Another great thing about graduating is the production of good cake.

Overall, I was immensely excited and really wanted to get out. Although I love my friends and all my classes this year (most of the time), as the day grew closer, I became more antsy, as did everyone else. The hallway discussions of seniors often included the statement, “I just want to get out of here” which may or may not have had some obscenities interjected in there. We were all anxious, we were all in anticipation. Some of us were excited. 

I asked a lot of my friends if they were excited, before and immediately after graduation. Most of the girls said yes, most of the guys said no. I found this interesting. Excitement must only happen amongst the male gender when they kill everyone in their path during a video game. I’ve seen it. When I observe the guys playing Halo, it’s very loud and very hilarious watching them get mad for someone killing them, even though that’s the point of the game. Graduation produced more of a “meh” response. Most of the ones I talked to just wanted to get out. Even graduation produces different emotions between boys and girls, and no I will not refer to our demographic as men and women. We are legally men and women. Nothing in our minds and words imply anything of the sort.

Because the schedules were different practically every day, I must have said goodbye to my friends at least five times. I was always skeptical as to whether I would ever see them again, but I usually did anyway. But that was ok. The guys I hung out with were tolerant of my slight (slight) sentimentality and my insistence on writing more than just my name in their yearbook.

Oh..and presents! Graduating means getting presents!

The crossover assembly was very nice, and not as sad as I expected. My picture appeared only once in the Senior Slideshow (thank goodness). It was the day of my last serpentine and  I was being silly, and I’m usually not silly in pictures. It was weird seeing, because I hadn’t seen the picture since it was taken. My friend took the picture, and she submitted it. Still, it was a nice slideshow. The baby and primary school pictures were all very cute.

What was funny about the assembly that I particularly wanted to note was how they kept going on about how “special” this senior class was because we were the first freshmen in 25 years, and we get to witness this huge remodel of the school, and we won “Most School Spirited” two years in a row. That made me curious. What do they say to the other senior classes? Are all of them really all that great? But that’s the only thing that really stuck with me from the assembly, even though I’m supposed to remember this year of my life for a long time. I won’t. I’ll remember stress, mistakes, and maybe some friends I had. And the stabbing. That’s it. 

On the last day of my AP Lit class, it hit me that I wasn’t going to have this class anymore. It would be much more difficult to find people who enjoy Crime and Punishment as much as I do. Sure, I could friend my teacher on Facebook, but that isn’t the same. I know very few people who have read the books I have, and I don’t want that to sound conceited. I long to find those people! I want to start a Classic Literature book club but I have neither time nor the willing people. Usually, when I discuss the books I read, I either get people who have heard of it but haven’t read it or I get the look that screams “You read that?!” Only in my AP Lit class could I extensively analyze Brave New World (review here) and have people really listen to it. So, what saddened me most about leaving the class was not the fact the class was over, but now I had to make an effort to find people with similar interests. My close friends will gladly listen to me ramble on about the parallel between Lazarus and Raskolnikov. But that’s not really a discussion. But I’m over that now. I just hope that being away from AP Lit doesn't influence me to stop reading these types of books. 

The last day of school (which, for seniors, consisted of the crossover assembly, acquiring graduation tickets and going home) was full of last minute yearbook signing, hugs, and laughs and anticipation. Everyone looked happy, even though we were leaving. I suppose, technically, there was still the Senior Breakfast and the Senior Picnic, but I didn’t want to go to either of those. I had already said goodbye and had my closure, and I didn’t see any reason to make the goodbyes any harder. Besides, the Senior Picnic was at a water park, and I suspected it was going to rain that day. It did.

Graduation was almost unreal. Nothing spectacular happened, but it was weird being in a place that seemed so far off for so long. I got my diploma and blah blah blah. I said some last minute goodbyes to people and was so exhausted by that point, I wasn’t even excited anymore. I wanted to get out of there, and fast. So I came home and fell asleep until 8 or 9 at night. I didn’t eat dinner or anything. My body was almost at collapsing point and I was pretty grouchy. I feel bad now, because my parents were proud of me and wanted to go out to dinner, but I was exhausted and irritated, that I didn’t want to do anything at all. We settled for KFC. I wonder how I’ll be on my wedding day. I wonder if I’ll be so tired by the reception that I wouldn’t want to dance with my new husband and just want to sleep on the floor until everyone went home.

Now, I have way too much free time to know what to do with. I have yet to find a job, and have yet to obtain my license, and I can’t really start my life until I have both of those things. But until now, I had forgotten how long the days are and how slow time goes when you have nothing to do. I was hoping to get some more reading done…but I’ve been too lethargic to do anything. I’m still in the process of reading six or so books. My main goal is to finish Fahrenheit 451. This, I think, will be my last dystopian book that I read. They’re all the same. The main ones that were considered original in the era they were written are 1984, Brave New World, and Fahrenheit 451. After that, dystopian novels are predictable and cliché. If there’s one I’m missing, let me know. But those three are the ones everyone talks about. I got many books as graduation presents, so I should be set for a while, in regards to reading. But I can never keep away. I checked out more books today and I had to use my mom’s card because mine has been blocked for a while now. I have yet to read the books I checked out on my card, but I think I’ll return them anyway. Mystery isn’t really my thing, although the Agatha Christie book I did read was very good. Just not C&P good. Besides, I want to read The Jungle next.

My high school experience hasn’t been a very significant one in regards to my peers. Frankly, I wasn’t popular enough to be remembered by a lot of people, and I doubt I’ll remember a lot of the friends I had after several years. All I’ll know is that I embraced nerdiness, and surrounded myself with nerdy people (mostly guys) when I was a senior. By that time though, I’ll probably mush junior and senior year together. I’ll probably remember all the stupid things I did, and not enough of the cool things I did. I might remember that I refused to act fully silly and weird around anyone but Hayley, because I have always had this phobia (yes, an irrational fear) of looking stupid around people smarter/cooler/better than me. I considered most of my friends cooler than me. And many of them were smarter than me because they had embraced nerdiness long before I had. I’ll probably remember how I hated sitting in the back of the Sno-Isle bus, and how stressful Sno-Isle was my senior year. But these nostalgic moments (especially after I’m pretty much settled down) will more than likely be few and far between. High school is supposed to be a faded memory because there’s so much you have to do after graduation. Being well known in high school doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll become your definition of “successful” when you’re older. Vice versa applies as well. Saying you went to high school with a celebrity isn’t as cool as it sounds because, chances are, you hardly remember them at all.

Of course, I want everyone I went to high school with (including those who have yet to graduate) to have happy lives. Just, please don’t take it personally if I unfriend you on Facebook after a couple months or years. You probably wouldn’t remember me if we weren’t friends of Facebook, and there’s really no reason to remember me anyway. You have better things to think about than high school, and as do I. So please, do not think I’m doing this because you have offended me in some way or I think you are no longer suitable for friendship of the Facebook kind. I am only moving on from the past, as you should be.

Best wishes.

The Fault in Our Stars: Not Your Average “Teen Book”

First Impressions: Well, now you all know my secret. I don’t only read Classic Literature. I went through a phase where I read “chick books.” It was all love and romance and, frankly, boring. I am familiar with John Green as a youtuber, but I also knew he was a novelist. When he read the first chapter of The Fault in Our Stars (TFiOS), I was blown away. After pre-ordering the book, I anxiously waited for my package to arrive. When it did, I promptly read the book in two days. It does not even compare to the “chick books” I read in middle school. Hazel is no Emma Bovary.

Quick Synopsis: Hazel is a sixteen-year-old with “lungs that suck at being lungs.” She has cancer. She meets Augustus (or Gus), a teenager who fears oblivion and has a prosthetic leg from a previous meeting with cancer. They end up...well...to quote Avril Lavigne: “Can I make it any more obvious?” It is somewhat of a love story...but not the love stories that Justin Bieber and Edward Cullen portray.

Deeper Meanings: There was one thing that many of the young adult novels I read was missing. That thing was substance. The entire novel was composed of words that a hopeless romantic thirteen-year-old would find deep and meaningful. TFiOS is completely different. For me, it is the type of book you could enjoy if you simply read it or analyzed it. This type is rare: a young adult novel that can be analyzed. Perhaps I am making generalizations, but the books that are discussed at my school the most often are the types of books that have pretend deeper meaning. In other words, the romantic relationships are not realistic, therefore, any “symbols” and “poetry” is all for naught, because the relationship itself is nothing more than Cuddle Time. TFiOS puts young love in a whole new perspective for me. For one thing, Hazel and Augustus have a friend Issac, who is dating a girl. He and his girlfriend whisper “always” to each other all the time. It’s their word. Frankly, if Hazel’s and Augustus’s word was “always” then I would have stopped reading. But that is not the case. Their word is “okay.” This makes so much more sense to me. Love can’t currently last forever. There, I said it. Unless there’s a scientific breakthrough or some other miracle, forever is not possible. So I’m slightly annoyed when I see my peers tell their significant other that they’ll always be together. Especially because they said the same thing to another person a month ago. Hazel and Gus have “okay.” I love it because it isn’t used to remind the reader Hazel could die soon because she has cancer, but instead to portray their love as being real. Realistically, the relationship may not work out. After reading this, I want my word with my future boyfriend to be “okay.” But since that’s taken, we’ll probably use something stupid, like “chicken.” But we’ll think it’s funny or something even though none of our friends get the joke. Kids these days...

Allusions: Another important thing to note is that there are allusions to other books that teens commonly read in school, which I loved. The title itself is a Shakespeare reference.There’s a Great Gatsby reference, which I didn’t even get until I read a forum about the book. Augustus also likes to hang an unlit cigarette out of his mouth. It’s a metaphor. He’s refusing to let the cancer kill him. However, he puts the cigarette in his mouth when he’s feeling somewhat insecure. Insecure? Catcher in the Rye? Anyone? So this is another reason why I think teens that enjoy analyzing books (and English class) should read TFiOS. There’s probably more references I’m missing. I’ve only read the book once, so I wasn’t really looking for any. Now...if John Green decides to reference Crime and Punishment in his new book, I will love him forever. I mean...until I die. Yeah, that’s sounds more realistic.

Bottom Line: Okay, to those of you who know me personally, or have read my first blog post, you know that I will never date in high school. But keep in mind that that is my personal preference. The majority of high school relationships I see end very quickly. That’s not always the case. Another thing I love about TFiOS is that, although it’s about a relationship, it doesn’t promote nor demote dating. There’s nothing about how amazing dating is, and there’s no “big fight” scene where they almost break up and a tearful reunion. It did not try and change my views on dating. Overall, it is an amazing book and John Green is an extremely talented author, and I am very happy that I got a signed copy.

To all nerdfighters: It was Hanklerfished too! DFTBA!

Senior Year: Caring Does Not Equal Missing

I'm pretty proud of myself for coming to terms with graduation before it actually happens. Some time ago, although I don't know say when exactly, I realized that most people I talk to at school now I'm not going to care about after I graduate. Some of my schoolmates get it. People change and friends come and go. That's how life is. Others think that since I'm not going to miss them three years from now then I don't care about them at all.

Seriously?

If you know me at all, you'll know I love people. More than one person should, I think. It's gotten me in trouble more than once. So it's obvious that the last day of school is going to be sad. There's an assembly where the seniors watch a slideshow and it's all very sweet. I'm looking forward to it. But I'm realistic. There's only one person I can think of that I'll probably keep it touch with for a while after graduation. Probably. Everyone else will drift, acquire new interests, and high school will only be a distant memory. That's normal. Realistic.

Am I going to miss my friends? Of course! But not for very long. Maybe a year or two. I'm thinking that some might keep in touch for a while, and then slowly forget. I used to to be that person that attempted to keep in touch, but I'm don't do that anymore because 98% of the time it's not mutual and I'm just being annoying. If they text me randomly, then I'll text them randomly too. But if it's only one or the other, the contact is few and far between. And by that I mean we see each other at the supermarket fifteen years from now.

Obviously I'll remember some people better than others. Memories will last a lot longer than just a couple years. But they'll only be memories. It's sad that so many of my schoolmates haven't come to terms that most of their friends in high school won't last after graduation. Close friends sometimes do, but even that's only probable. People change a lot from the ages of eighteen to twenty-five.

I brought this up with one of my friends a month ago, and he implied that I was acting as if we weren't friends and that I didn't care. This irritated me, but I couldn't explain it this extensively within the few seconds I had to think of a response. So I pretty much blurted out the first paragraph of this blog in a less coherent manner. The conversation ended awkwardly and I felt guilty for bringing it up. Then I realized that the end of the year is going to be a lot sadder than it needs to be. And every day I leave school in the month of June, I'm probably going to feel depressed. All my friends are going to go on about how much they'll miss me and I will go on about how I'll miss them. And I'll be sad because all the guys I hang out with won't be as emotional and I'll question whether they really ever cared. I know that's pathetic and stupid, but it's one of my girl-minded tendencies that I hate. I have brought it up before.

Anyway, the end of the semester is coming up and I'm already nervous about that. Only once of my classes is changing. It happens to be Modern Fiction, the best class to end my day. Why? The people, of course. I always laugh in that class. Every. Single. Day. Even on the day of the stabbing I laughed. I didn't want to because I felt horrible beyond words that entire week, but I did anyway. The teacher hates all of us, but that's the fun of it. Ok, not all of the fun. When she gets mad, she gets really mad. I'm sorry we're so terrible to you Ms. Short.

The point is that the class is awesome, and I'm really going to miss it. Another reason is that I have friends in that class that I wouldn't talk to if we didn't have Modern Fiction together. They're going to go away. I'll miss them terribly because I grown to care way too much about them over the past three months. But I'll get over it.

Just like how I'll get over high school. Physically and emotionally. I really wish people would see that, but I don't blame them. My first blog post about senior year was me freaking out about how I'm not going to be able to handle this. But I'll be fine. We'll all be fine.

This'll be a good year.

OMG I'm FULL of Smartzzzz!

I'm pretty sure we all have that friend that is smarter than us. No? Just me? Well ok then.

Anyway, I have a lot of friends who are smarter than me, and I've realized that intelligence falls into two personality traits: show-off or ignorance (whether it be known to them or not).

The show-off personality is that guy that you know that's incredibly smart, but he (or she) has to remind you every five seconds how smart they are. They are completely aware of their intelligence, and they enjoy every minute of it. Spouting off random facts is second nature. When I meet these people, I usually humor them. I'm drawn to people smarter than me. But after listening to them talk for ten minutes, I feel remarkably stupid. There are rare cases when they actually explain what they're talking about, so then I feel less stupid. That tends to help a little bit.

Unfortunately, there's always that show-off who question why you don't know about whatever they're blathering about.

"It was in the news. Don't you watch the news?!"

"Yes..."

"Well...you must watch the stupid news. The news I watch is FULL of IMPORTANT information that YOU should know. Is there something WRONG with you?"

"Apparently."

"Well, anyway...where was I?"

"If I shoot you, would it be considered self-defense?"

Yeah, that type of show-off. Those people drive me crazy. Fortunately, I haven't met very many. If I have, I usually end the conversation as quickly as possible before they start ranting. Because ranting is my thing.

Then there's those lovely ignorant people who don't realize they're smart. I know they are a lot of smart people who know they're smart, but they still fall in the ignorance category because they act ignorant a lot. I know it's a stretch, but this is me we're talking about. If you don't remind me you're smart all the time, then you're ignorant. Let's humor the unintelligent girl and move on, ok? These people will spout off information that relates to the subject or something random that is actually interesting. Despite this, I usually end up feeling stupid around those people, even if they're also really good at explaining things.

<Side-note>Is it weird that I love certain people's talking voices? Like, they could be explaining something that's going completely over my head, but if they're talking then it's all ok. I feel odd for being drawn to certain types of voices. It's not accents, it's voices. Intelligence higher than mine is optional.</Side-note>

I know a lot of people that fall into my ignorant category. So you could say that I feel stupid a lot. Especially at Sno-Isle. I'm supposed to be (one of) the tech-y girl(s) that pwns all the boys with her amazing knowledge of computers. HA! Yeah, right. The only thing that impresses the boys at my school is my chocolate-chip cookies. Oh, they like my niceness and sarcasm, but that doesn't matter as much because girls like those characteristics as well.

I remind myself quite often that I'm still learning and that I know more about computers than a lot of people my age. But when you surround yourself with people smarter than you unintentionally, those reminders disintegrate and you're stuck making cookies. And correcting spelling. Those boys cannot spell.

I still feel mildly stupid around them. A lot. But don't tell them I said anything because I'm afraid they'll take pity and I really don't want that.

"That's right Michaela! That's where the power supply is! You are so good with computers! Isn't she?"

"Yes she is! She is very smart!"

"...You guys read my blog didn't you?"

"...Yes..."

So, in conclusion, I am good at making cookies, and spelling. How invigorating.

And to think I have a blog to feel better about myself. Oh well. I always have common sense to fall back on. Don't even get me started on the lack of that in teenagers.

Senior Year: First Month-ish

All right, I admit. The only reason I've been blogging for three days in a row is because I'm sick and have nothing else to do. Surprisingly, TV does get boring after awhile. But here is an update on school so far (stuff I didn't mention on my other post).

First of all, I got an A- on my summer assignment!! Woot! I am so proud of myself because I worked really hard on it. I love AP Lit so much. It's my favorite class this year. Sorry, Sno-Isle. It's been a good run, but constantly working in groups is not really my thing. We can still be friends though, right? Sno-Isle?

Oh well. Today I learned that our project in Sno-Isle is due Monday, which is a huge relief. My group didn't make much progress today. In all honesty though, it's not like I'm the shining beacon of responsibility and I always get things done. Today would have been a slack-off day, especially since Snohomish leaves early. An hour early to be exact. The important thing is that we finish, and I'm fairly certain we will. Come on, though, it's only the second project of the year, I'm sure we'll get better. No, my teacher (Tory) is not the type to force us to stay in one group all year, I choose to stay with them. Why? Well, it's definitely not their work ethic. Haha. I stay with them because I would get bored rather quickly if all we did was work. When I get a real job, sarcasm will probably be scarce, so I'm savoring it while I can. If you ask them why they're staying in the group, though, I honestly have no idea what they'll say. It's not because of me, I know that. Actually, if any one of us left the group, none of us would stop them. I mean, they're a bunch of guys and that means it's all logic and no emotion. I might miss them if they leave the group, but I'm the emotion. Just ask, they'll tell you. So I think it's the whole group that makes everyone stick together. Wow, that sounds incredibly cheesy, but what other reason is there? None of them are reading this (probably) and they aren't about to stop me randomly and say "Let me tell you all the things that make this group so amazing and why we haven't abandoned you." That's my job. I constantly tell them how great they're doing. Or how not so great they're doing. I don't know why, because it's not like it helps them any. But as team leader I'd feel weird if I was "that team leader" who constantly told everyone how bad they were doing and that all the work they did wasn't good enough. But I also don't want to be "that team leader" who literally sits there silently without giving any instruction. Wait...I've actually done that. But that was because of my cold and I was incredibly exhausted. I know, I know, I'm making excuses, but I seriously don't want to do that again. I've discovered that if I'm not working, they don't progress as well, just because it is a group effort after all.

The nice thing about working with guys in this age group is that none of them start bugging me about not working unless they're teasing me. Trust me, I've heard some girls (including me) get really mad about that one person on their group who didn't do anything. Heck, I've ranted about this group to my friends. But after working with them for a little bit, I realized that none of them actually want to fail. None of them actually like seeing me flip out on them either (which I have done three or four times. Not recently though). There have been people who enjoy seeing me flip out. If these guys were like that, I would dislike them all. Me being mad is amusing (because it's so unlike me), but they aren't trying to make me mad, which I appreciate. It's not just any group after all. It's my group.

Ok, now I'm sounding to much like a mom (that happens quite often, no joke) so I'm going try not to think about the last day of senior year when it hits me I'll never see them again. I'm dreading that day. I'm not going to cry, that's a fact. First of all, I've never cried at school before (except in 4th grade when I had a really bad ear infection). Secondly, a lot of my friends are guys, and not only do none of them want to see me get emotional, but they aren't going to be emotional. Nothing. Zilch. I'm starting to see why so many romantic relationships don't work out in high school because girls don't realize that just because guys don't act as happy as the girl does in the relationship, it doesn't mean the guy doesn't care. Boys and girls are different. But I have girlish tendencies too. Somewhere in the back of my head are my emotions telling me that if a guy friend doesn't scream "I'll miss you!" on the brink of tears directly to me, then maybe he doesn't actually care. Of course that isn't true. But those are consistent thoughts that go through my head on the last day of school. "Are they going to miss me at all?" And if they say they'll miss me, that never works because they have to be all emotional about, like we're dating or something. Realistically, if one of them did do that to me, it'd be weird and awkward and I'd question our relationship throughout the year (we were just friends, right?).

Sometimes I hate being a girl that loves people so much. It takes me longer to get over things. So I'll have to force myself to not keep in contact with any of my friends (except Hayley and a couple exceptions) because if I don't the "drifting apart" will take too long, which always makes it worse. It's high school. You're supposed to make friends you'll never see again. But imagine if we were launched into a workplace right away and had never had a close friend before. We would either make the wrong ones because we don't know what we like, or isolate ourselves and be lonely the rest of our lives. I'm pathetic, I know. I've already started planning out what I want to say in other people's yearbooks. It's the first month of school.

"And here on the left, you'll see First Street, the home of our popular antique shops and shows. Wait...what's that? Oh, it's Michaela being nostalgic again. GO HOME!"

 "But...but I don't want to! I'll never see them again!"

"You graduated twenty years ago! Get off the street corner! You look ridiculous."

"I want to go back! Let me go back!"

"Oh no. Quick! Someone grab the time machine before she gets to it first!"

See, it's funny because we don't have tour guides in Snohomish. The town is much too small and boring. But I still love this town, and this state for that matter. What can I say, I'm a sucker for rain. But I'll blog about rain later. That post will be much shorter, I promise.

Wait..I just realized this was supposed to be about school. I get on the topic of Sno-Isle and it all goes haywire. Great.

"Hello. My name is Michaela...and I am nostalgic..."

"Hi Michaela..."

I should consider joining NA (Nostalgics Anonymous). There's quite a confusion because NA already stands for Not Applicable. Not many people know about it.

Anyway, I need to leave before I become a hot nostalgic mess and this blog post becomes really long.

Oh wait...

Senior Year: First day

No, I'm not going to do a day by day analysis of senior year. But I think that one day I might want to look back on this and wonder what I did on the first day of senior year. So here it goes.

First of all, I strained my throat before I even got on the bus to go to Sno-Isle. I had coffee that morning, which doesn't affect me as much as it used to, but with all the excitement added to the caffeine, I was really hyper. The morning was full of hugs and story-telling. I don't think there's a single person I said hi to that I didn't hug. I was screaming so many people's names, I was so excited. Another reason I was happy was because I had switched buses. My old bus changed routes, so now I ride a much less crowded bus. There's someone I know too, so I found someone to sit next to.

Unfortunately, my Sno-Isle bus driver changed. I liked my old one, and I really wanted to know how her summer was. But that's ok. Anyway, everyone piled onto the first bus, which was crammed and really hot due to all the body heat. One of the people who make sure everyone gets to Sno-Isle told us that the second bus was on its way. Me and several other people I knew got off and all sat together on the second bus.

The bus ride was more nostalgic than anything. The conversation was mostly video-game related, and since I only play Portal 2 (and I haven't in a long time because I've been so busy) I was uninterested. I did talk a little bit though. It's unlike a caffeinated me to be quiet for two seconds.

Then we reached Sno-Isle. Ahh, Sno-Isle. My old classroom was transferred into the DigiPen class, and the DigiPen classroom was turned into the math support room. I thought it would be saddening, but it wasn't really. I have some regrets about taking Computer and Web Programming. I have nothing against the people in my class who might be reading this (all three of you), but I didn't learn anything in that class at all. It was all pointless field trips and talking about nothing. If I hadn't taken Sno-Isle at all, I probably would have learned more. Anyway, that's a whole other rant that I shouldn't get into while my former Sno-Isle classmates are reading.

One benefit of taking CWP, I guess, was the fact that I already knew someone in the class from last year. Well, I knew three in total, but the other two people were from my school, so of course I'd know them. So I sat next to the former classmate, who immediately began helping everyone. If someone turns around and asks aloud, "How do you do this?" then he will usually jump on it. Unless he's listening to music. Or talking to someone he likes better.

CSN (Computer Servers/Networking) sounds like it will be very beneficial. We took a pre-test to see how much we know. I failed miserably (35%), which is good, because I want to learn all that terminology. I'm really looking forward to it. I was the only girl in the class, but there's supposed to be two more. I hope so. Even though I enjoy talking with guys, I occasionally desire some estrogen. Sometimes I want to talk about my hair, or someone's cute outfit. I'm hoping the girls aren't complete nerds who don't care about anything girly. I'd miss talking about that eventually.

By lunchtime my throat was dry and strained, and I was really hot. My friends ate outside but everyone was kinda uncomfortable from the heat. But I discovered something. I make good pumpkin cheesecake. The two people (and me) that tried it really liked it. I wanted to share it with more people, but I think it will be hard to transfer. I'm thinking I'll made it and bring a few slices worth, and then give it to some friends. So that was a success. Now I want to open a bake shop. Ha, ha. Yeah right. Computers before cookies. And writing before w-...um...what's a dessert that starts with W? Whipped cream? Ok, writing before whipping. Wait...that doesn't sound like a reference to baking.

Let's move on. Government was fine. My teacher is one that most kids don't like, but if you get on his good side, then you'll be fine. I'm not so sure about me. This is a political class (the one I didn't want). I'm politically neutral. This might cause problems with assignments later. But I'll just bring it to his attention ASAP and hopefully I won't fail.

AP Literature and Composition was really funny, mostly because of the Alpacas in the hallway. That's right, alpacas. Don't ask. Animal science needed them for some reason. The entire hallway of E building (the newest extension to D building) smelled like a barn. The two fluffy Alpacas were literally five feet or so from my English classroom. My teacher had the door open, and when he started introducing himself, one of them would go "Mehhh." It was hilarious. The funniest part was that they kept making that noise every time my teacher finished his sentence. The Alpacas were like punctuation.

Modern Fiction was the only class with my friend Hayley (see other blog posts for references to her), but she decided to switch out after today. We read books with adult content, and she didn't feel comfortable reading a book with a child rape in it. That's ok though. I'll see her in the mornings (if her bus isn't late like it was today) and at Friday lunch. And I'll call her all the time.

And then came the assembly. The "Class of 2012" in uncovered (literally) and all the seniors scream their hearts out. That was fun too. But I still did not do the dance the cheerleaders did. But the guys in the first three rows of our section took care of that. I should have filmed it, but my phone had gum on it (don't ask about that either). Then there was the unnecessary school spirit stuff. And the principal told everyone to vote so our class wins the "Most School Spirit" award. Yeah..I'm not doing that. I will gladly scream because I am proud to be a senior. But I will not act like my school is better than everyone elses, because it isn't. That's my least favorite thing about school.

Anyway, overall I had a really good day and I'm glad to be back in school. I probably won't be saying that for long, but as of right now, I don't care.

SENIORS FTW!

Could someone please stop time? I'd like to get off.

As people ask me what grade I'm going to be in next year, I consistently tell them I'm going to be a senior. Then it just suddenly hit me that I'm going to be a senior.

Excuse me? Wasn't I just entering middle school a week ago? Wasn't I a 13-year-old who thought everything revolved around her and that she was so awesome just yesterday? Wait, wait. Slow down!! I'm in the prime in life! Adults constantly tell me to savor it because it won't last forever, and I tried. But I failed. Mostly because I thought "savoring" meant to spend endless hours on YouTube and not do homework until the morning it was due.

How am I supposed to savor life when time passes so quickly?

We've all heard this story. Every time we hear it, we might think "Yeah, you're right. I'm going to live life to the fullest and be all I can be! I'm going to learn an instrument, a foriegn language, and make more friends!" But then, of course, we have other things to think about. Everyone, even the guy with no arms and legs who gives speeches at schools, takes life for granted. No matter how often we're told not to, it's impossible to constantly think about every blessing we have. If we did that, we'd never get anything done.

So, what can we do? I say, take time to "count your blessings" every once in awhile. It's good to think about how good we have it. Try not to think about how people who are starving think we have it worse off because they talk to their families every day and appreciate life more. Try not to think about how no matter how good you are at something, there's always someone better than you. Try not to..ok, maybe this isn't the best thing to do.

Maybe we should focus on making good memories instead. Because everyone smiles sometimes, no matter the circumstances. Even emos smile, or did smile, at one point. Just, um, try not to get Alzheimer's Disease and forget it all. Wait..ok...this isn't working.

Never mind, forget it. No matter what I say, you'll complain. You'll complain a lot. You know what? I will too. I feel like it's my responsibility to complain, especially being a woman and all. This won't make time move any slower, but it's better than crying over how good I have it.

So let's do it! Let's all complain our hearts out and procrastinate like there's always a tomorrow! Time will thank us! Maybe.

Things I'll Never Get: Why Communication is Such a Problem

<disclaimer>I'm not trying to give really sound advice here. There is a reason this is titled "Things I'll Never Get" and not "What You All Should Do." This is a rant, mixed with common sense, opinions, and probably illogicality and flaws. If you base your parenting or teenager-ing around this post, then you are not allowed to sue me. So there.
Oh, and no this did not all come from my head. The following comes from several years of advice from people and other sources and watching relationships fall apart.</disclaimer>

<preface> This post could easily turn into another post about romantic relationships, which will only leave me tense and irritated with life. I'm going to try and keep romance out of this as much as possible, because writing is supposed to help me release feelings, not create new ones. </preface>

To me, unless logic comes in to prove me wrong again, the biggest problem with any kind of relationship is communication. Lack thereof always ends badly. Which is probably why distance causes problems so often. Phone calls is not the kind of communication I'm talking about. It's face-to-face. And although I am a huge fan of technology, this is one of the biggest downsides to it. Talking to people face-to-face is the most difficult and inconvenient way of communicating. So as soon as there is a barrier of any kind, people bounce on it. I mean, why would you go through all the trouble to get in the car, waste all that gas, and see your friend when you could just text them? The same reason you use a remote instead of getting up to change the channel manually. Convenience. And when you use optimum convenience to try and maintain a relationship with someone, things can turn sour easily.

Next to romance, I believe that the relationships that lack the most communication are between parent and child. While romantic relationships simply end when they don't work out (physically anyway), you can't "break up" with your parent, so the relationship with them becomes worse and worse to the point where the child doesn't consider that person they live with their parent anymore. Besides their failed romances, the thing I hate teens talking about is how "horrible" their parents are. That is a generalization, I know. There are some parents who really are terrible people, but teenage offspring often talk about actual bad parents in a different way. That is, they don't. Not usually anyway. Real problems remain hidden most of the time. The people that I've met that have bad parents will hardly ever bring them up until I talk to them for a long time about things totally unrelated.

<additional information>There are those teens that as soon as you talk to them they'll say stuff like, "You know, I'm, like, totally abused by my parents, like, all the time." Then you find out the "abuse" they're discussing is how their parents got angry and yelled at them once or they took away their cell phone last week. I'm not talking about those teens.

Or those teens that, once you get them talking, go on and on about how horribly their parents treat them and how depressed they are because of it. Then you find out they aren't depressed at all and just want sympathy and that they really didn't consider you a friend in the first place. I'm not talking about those teens either.

The teens (or any person at all, really) I'm talking about are the ones that seem perfectly content. All the time. Not super-duper happy to the point where you're suspicious, but just content. Then suddenly you find out that their parents are alcoholics and this teen has to care for their four siblings all the time, leaving them emotionally drained. Or something like that. That was not an example of someone I know or anything, although I have met people that as soon as I start asking about their family, or their struggles with parents, they immediately put up a wall of "I don't want to talk about it" and/or "I don't want to worry you." Then when I try and ease it out of them somehow, I get very little information. It's their right not to talk about it and I don't want to get too pushy. But those experiences have led me to the conclusion that when people have actual problems with parents, a lot of times, they don't want to talk about it, and if they do, they talk to the wrong people about them (i.e. someone their age who can't do anything). Those people I cannot help, and it bothers me when they view me as someone who can, and then get offended when I bring up professional help like therapy or something. But to the rest of people who rant about their parents who aren't actually bad people at all I can give sound advice to.</additional information>

Let me just get this out here right now. I wholeheartedly believe this, but just so someone doesn't smash me down, I need to word this properly. In my own experiences, I have found that good communication is the key to every type of relationship. Period. If you think you are doing well in the relationship, talking about it can enforce that. If not, talking about it can help fix the problem. In romance's case, if you think the relationship isn't going to work out, talking about it will give a greater chance of both parties to end on good terms.

Now, I mention good communication because, technically, arguing counts as a form of communication. Especially if you're going to break up with someone, never raise your voice when having a serious talk. There is a greater chance of this not happening if you avoid the Deadly Phrases like "You always" or "You never" in a negative way. Blame is never good. The last thing you want the person to think is that the relationship is falling apart because of something they did (even if you think it's true). Why? Because they may think they can completely change (which normally they can't) and fix everything. Even when it's between a parent and a child, you can't expect complete change (especially from the parent). Think about it: The parent definitely isn't going to change, and by the time the child reaches eighteen or so, they probably aren't either because their personality is pretty much set. Both parties can try and get the other to change, but they probably won't get far. But, not all hope is lost.

Before you go and bash me, saying that you were a brat and you had a complete turnaround or something like that, let me make something clear. To me, there is a difference between changing and improving. Change is simply an alter or modify, while improve is to bring about a more desirable condition. This is what makes all the difference, and where communication comes in. I don't think having a conversation with your child about changing will have as much as an effect on the child's mind as a conversation about improvement will. This does not mean, however, to walk up to your kid and say "I want improvement" and walk away. Remember: Good communication is the key to every type of relationship. This means to be specific and at the same time avoid the Deadly Phrases. I have found this gets your child (or parent) in the right mindset.

Of course, there is one more vital ingredient in order for this to work out. That is maturity. If the parent has a mature conversation about the improvement needed from the child to go on with life in the best manner possible, and the child gets up and leaves in a huff, that isn't going to bring about the wanted results for either party. If the child does find a problem in the said needed improvements, they need to communicate that with their parents in a mature manner. If not, this will only lead to bad communication: arguing. In turn, the parents need to take what the child said into consideration and respond in a likewise mature manner. Then both parties can negotiate, compromise and settle the issue on good terms.

<the point of the blog post>The thing I don't get is why more people don't do this in platonic, romantic, and parental relationships. People shouldn't be as terrified by the words, "We need to talk." I can't say communication is incredibly easy for me and you should be learning from my example. Because texting someone to say I was offended by something they said (which I have done multiple times, sadly) is much easier than talking to them about it face-to-face. So all of the previous words I typed I need to keep in mind as well.</the point of the blog post>

<conclusion>So, really, this isn't one of those "Things I'll Never Get" that doesn't apply to me at all. Let's face it, everyone gets shy. This wasn't supposed to be a rant about "people with no common sense." It applies to everyone, at least some of the time.

It's always the most important things that are the hardest to accomplish. Like, communication and respect. And healthiness. But, the reason I type all these coherent and incoherent sentences was to put this in your mind at least for a little while. Even if you don't do anything about it.

That's what this is here for. </conclusion>

I'm Not Getting One

There's one question I get on a regular basis, almost. No, it's not "Wow, I love that shirt, where did you get it?" or "Do you realize how cool you are?" or anything like that. It's always, "Do you have a FaceBook?" And when I promptly answer no, I am then commanded/begged to get one. The answer is always the same. No. So, let's take a break from our lives and take a moment to find out why Michaela is not opening a FaceBook account.

• I Don't Want One
  This is the most obvious and biggest reason I don't haven't opened a FaceBook account. I don't want one. See, the problem is, is that the person who tells me I should open a FaceBook account is someone I probably wouldn't friend anyway. So I say I don't want one, and then they say, "But you could keep in touch with me." I really don't want to have this conversation with a person because there's no way I can word it without sounding like a jerk. But, to put it simply and bluntly: Just because we were friends in school, doesn't mean I want to know what you're doing after we lose touch. Got it? You think I'm being rude? Wait five years and then try to remember who I am. 80% of the people I am "friends" with now, won't know who I am. All FaceBook does is hinder the letting go process that is supposed to take place after high school. There are the few friends you keep in touch with, but everyone else you're supposed to forget. You shouldn't need to read about what that guy you sat next to in English three years ago is having for breakfast. Simple as that. I don't want to be in the position to tell people I don't care about what they do every second.

• I Have Few People to Keep in Touch With
  Ok, so if you're reading this, you might be a person I would like to keep in touch with after high school, at least for a little while. Or for as long as possible if you're a family member. Here's the thing, I love how FaceBook helps people keep in touch with family they hardly ever see and that sort of thing. It's not like I hate FaceBook, although I have said that in the past. It's the misuse of it (i.e. updating statues way too much, posting things no one cares about, etc.) and all the stupid people on it that I hate. There are family members I have that live far away, and it would be great to keep in touch with them. But since I hardly see them, I don't really have this close bond with them, and don't feel really motivated to know what they're doing every minute. I can always call or write to them, which seems much more affectionate anyway. A family member who only talked to me through FaceBook would never really have a real relationship with me. That, and if someone from high school found me on FaceBook and sends me a request, they might be upset if I didn't accept. Some of these people have my phone number and may explicitly ask me why I won't accept their request. I don't want to have this conversation with them, as discussed above. Why? Because this is my answer: If I did open a FaceBook account, I would only be friends with family members, or people I know. So pretty much, if I've only known you for a school year, and/or never associated with you outside of school, I'm not accepting your friend request. Since very few people use FaceBook for people they really know (apparently, considering how many people have asked me to get one), they might take this as that I don't like them or don't care about them. Whether or not that's true doesn't matter. And if I don't accept these people as friends, me having a FaceBook account would be pointless to them anyway because they only wanted me to get one so they could friend me. So what's the point?

• Teens Have Their Own Stereotype On FaceBook
  This is a pretty small reason, but it's almost a stereotype for teens to open a FaceBook account. And the reputation we have is not good. If a teen tells an adult they have a FaceBook account it's more like "Oh you're one of those teens." But if an adult tells another adult they have a FaceBook account, it's more likely they use it in a professional way (although not always) and so it is more "accepted." I don't really want to be cast as one of those teens. I tried Twitter, and it didn't end well, because I became that stereotype. Even though I'm not thirteen anymore, I still don't want that to happen again.

Conclusion: What? You missed the entire rant and skipped to the conclusion? You ruined the experience. Well, fine, I'll humor you. I'd open a FaceBook account to keep in touch with people I really know, which does not include people I only knew in school. Since the only people that want me to get one are people I know in school, I see no point because I wouldn't friend them anyway.

Questions? Comments? Fine, you can comment on this post if you want and go on and on about how I need a FaceBook account. But you probably won't change my mind. Once I'm set on something, only undying logic can change me. And I see few things logical about me opening a FaceBook account. I have a place for my thoughts. That's what this is.

Ok, if I sent you here because you won't stop asking me about opening a FaceBook account, then I really don't want to have this discussion again. Now that we're on the same page, we can move on.

Right?

Things I'll Never Get: This is Why I Don't Date Yet

I love this xkcd comic. Totally true.

I walk into my school, and one my friends runs up to me, happy and beaming. I smile too, just because she is. She opens her mouth and shrieks, "I have the most exciting news!"


"What is it?" I ask excitedly.


"[Boy #6] asked me out! We're a couple now! I'm, like, so excited."


My face falls. Here we go again, I think.

Yes, though I have never dated before, I'm starting to pick up a pattern on how this whole "teen love" thingy works. Fortunately, most of my friends don't go on about the boys they like, but those who do I only pretend to care. I'm not about to say, "He has a girlfriend, he'll never like you!" or "Him? Really? He's ignorant and stupid!"

They usually find out for themselves.

I certainly have nothing against guys or anything. It's just that the girls I know tend to go for guys they won't ever get. I am not able to grasp this concept without having frustration boil through me. I would be less angry about it if the situation tended to work out more, but it usually doesn't. I think my face is permanently scarred from all the facepalms I have done over the years, even before high school.

This whole "love" thing leads to many mistakes that I have observed. These mistakes usually involve something along the lines of heartbreak, betrayal, pain, suffering, all those wonderful things. One of the biggest blunders I've seen is them going back to the same person who hurt them before. Let's make one thing clear: People lie. A lot.

I'm not saying everybody who says they've changed is lying, but sometimes they think they've changed, but they haven't really at all.

Now, this mostly applies to girls. I'm wondering how guys act in the ways of high school dating. Girls tend to be more dramatic when it comes to heartbreak. What do supposedly "tough guys" do who are "supposed" to hide their feelings all the time? Do they feel pain this way? Please let me know...

Before I go, I just wanted to make sure you were clear on my thinking of how this whole dating thing ends up a lot of the time, at least when I'm around. So here, have a chart:

Am I missing anything?

Let me know if this seems inaccurate. I'd believe you more if you are single at the moment and not going through Phase 1 at the moment.

I've lost sleep over this concept. I just don't understand it.