Grown Up Realizations: What the Word "Friend" Means

I have understood for a while now that the term “friend” is used pretty casually to spare feelings. It’s much easier to introduce someone as “my friend…” instead of “my acquaintance….” The problem this creates, though, is not knowing what category you honestly fall under, and if the category is mutual. It’s incredibly awkward when you realize someone views you as a close friend, and you feel like you’re only acquaintances, and it can be devastating being in the vise versa situation. I’ve been in both, and I think I’m more empathetic toward the other person now, no matter the situation. I realize now that relationships build gradually, and sometimes one person feels a bond or chemistry that the other doesn’t. That’s more of a high school realization though. That’s not what this is about.

The realization I’ve had more recently is that over time, the definition to the word “friend” changes drastically. I realize that there’s exceptions to everything and everyone’s lives are different. The following is not generally speaking, it’s mostly personal definitions.

Elementary School: Thinking back, I had several “best friends” in elementary school. Who were these girls? The girls in my class that accepted the request to play with me. If I played games with them enough times in a row, they were a friend. If I played games with them consistently for a whole school year or more...BOOM! Best friends. Boys were not included, not at first anyway, because boys were weird.

We didn’t talk about anything in our personal lives. I couldn’t have told you ten facts about these girls. Meeting some of them again in high school was mostly nostalgic. Quickly we both realized by then that the friendship was based on nothing more than extended communication and meaningless elementary school games. But that’s ok, because that’s how friends were supposed to be for the most part.

In elementary school I developed a basic understanding of what good friends did and what bad friends did. Good friends played with me no matter what, even if they thought the game was stupid. Good friends shared their dessert and traded lunches. Bad friends ignored me when I talked to them. Bad friends ditched me for someone else.

Even in late elementary school, my definition had changed a little bit. I actually had conversations with the girls I knew. We mostly talked about boys though. Boys were included in the friend circle, even though they were still mostly weird in my opinion. I think I only included the ones that had crushes on me. I never noticed that before, but it’s totally true. If a boy called me pretty (either through a note or a mutual friend because no one ever did these things face to face) then I immediately started hanging out with them at recess. Who else did I talk about with the girls? By sixth grade, good friends let you rant about cute boys, and bad friends told the cute boys you were talking about them.

Middle school: Sometimes friends are grandfathered in from elementary school so the relationship can continue to grow. A lot aren’t.

My friends in middle school were the ones I had classes with and ate lunch with. They had to be as immature I was, or else they were boring to me. I don’t know about anyone else, but laughing became a very important part of my friendships during that time. If I couldn’t laugh with a person, they were not my friend. And I laughed a lot in middle school. I blushed a lot too, actually.

In middle school, the conversations were (slightly) less about boys and more about school and how much it sucked. We talked more about our unique interests. I didn’t have any. I was interested in whatever I thought would make me cool. We mostly talked about homework, and what we did on the weekends. The friendships back then meant a little bit more, because association outside of school was more common amongst students.

I learned more about good and bad friends. Good friends didn’t tell me I was blushing (I know I’m blushing!). Good friends saw past the incredibly ugly pink, sparkly coat that I wore to school every single day that was filthy because I didn’t know coats could be washed. Oh, boys were more included my friend circle. Good boy friends had to be cute or funny, to me. Otherwise I didn’t pay attention. Wasn’t I nice?

High school: This is when everything changed. Not for me, for everyone. Suddenly, good friends could become a lot closer since problems encountered in high school could potentially be quite serious and stressful. This is when the line between acquaintances and friends became much clearer. There were a lot of people I knew all throughout middle and high school that I never considered close friends. “School friends” is what I called them. Those were classmates that I had classes with and I liked being around and talking to, but I really knew nothing about. Actually knowing the person became important in high school. Common interests were important in order to have anything to talk about.

Conversations could be about almost anything. I stopped talking about boys because I didn’t date whilst in school, so there’d be no point. Boy talks were only to pressure girls to date the boy in the conversation. My conversations were mostly with boys by junior year, because I realized I was most myself talking with them. It was weird, actually, I had a hard time having real conversations with girls. I knew they were out there, I just couldn’t find very many. I think I can name three girls now that I could regularly have somewhat serious conversations with in high school. That means we didn’t talk about ourselves, or complain, or mention anything about clothes or makeup. Our conversations were past small talk.

The things I learned about good friends in high school were mostly things I had to learn personally, not traits my good school friends already had. But they’re still important. Good friends listened and gave advice when necessary. Good friends were the voice of reason, but only when needed. Good friends were honest, yet tactful. Bad friends spread rumors. Bad friends didn’t have anything good to say about anything I did. So, pretty much, high school was when I learned the basic definition of an adult friend. Someone who’s meant to stick around, not just someone I would hang out with during school hours.

Adulthood: This is the definition that probably takes almost an entire lifetime to figure out, because it’s impossible to describe with words.

I can’t put traits in this section, because I haven’t figured out yet. But these are the friends that stick “closer than a brother,” according to Proverbs. These are the friendships that take years to develop. I haven’t lived long enough to determine my definition. I do know, though, that a good friend in adulthood is supposed to go through bad times with me, or something like that. Conversations can be deeply personal, or even confidential, but also light hearted and funny. Close friends are supposed to see me vulnerable at some point. This must be why a lot of people consider their parents or their spouse as their closest friend. Parents and spouses see everything, but stick around. Parents are obligated to care for a child, but not to be friends with them, necessarily.

There are people in my life now that I feel very close to, so maybe these are the best friends that everyone talks about. But I can’t know that right now. I need to grow up more first.

Now, though, I understand why best friends are rare. Because sometimes no one sticks around. That’s sad to me, but it’s on a long list of things I can’t do anything about, so I try not to think about it.

I think the only reason I’m thinking deeply about this is because I went to a funeral today. It was huge and very crowded. Everyone there cared about the person that died, obviously. But I wonder how many of the people there he would have considered to be his very close friends. I wonder if he’d be surprised by how many people came.

Sometimes I think people forget how many friends they have, because sometimes you don’t know until you need one. Then again, though, is someone really a friend if they only show they care when you’re in distress? Is someone really a good friend if they only care after you’re gone?

I don’t know. There’s so many things I have yet to find out. It’s almost as if I have to wait for something bad to happen to me, and see who shows up. I hope to look back on this post in a couple decades and see if I’ve found the answer.

Grown Up Realizations: Lasting Impressions

Once upon a time, a girl was mean to me. I don’t remember how or why, and I retaliated because I didn’t know any better, but I only remember being a victim. This was in elementary school. When I think of this girl, all I can think of is how mean she was. That’s my lasting impression of her that will not go away unless we meet again, which we likely won’t. I’m sure that this girl is very mature now, considering that she’s an adult like me. I’m sure she’s not mean anymore. But I still have the lingering impression of her that has stayed with me from elementary school. People that were rude or arrogant because they were seven, are still rude and arrogant in my mind, even though they likely aren’t anymore. They left an impression of themselves in my brain, something that won’t diminish. It fades with time, but never disappears unless I completely forget the person or my impression has a reason to change.

If I see a person I went to elementary school with walking down the street that I didn’t like, negativity is all I can think of. Then, if I see a person that I went to elementary school with that I really did like, I’m excited and want to talk to them. I realize now that they probably have no idea who I am anymore, because the impression I have is only based off of something they did once many years ago that they no longer remember.

Maybe this is just a girl thing or something. Or maybe it’s just a “me” thing. All I know is, I never remember a physical person, I remember what I felt when I was around them and how they treated me and who I think that person is. I think that’s how everyone is...I desperately hope so. Actually, never mind. I desperately hope that I’m just the crazy one, because if I’m not then I’ve been unknowingly leaving first impressions in people’s mind that I have no way of knowing about or changing.

Making a good last impression used to be a big deal to me. Since I was friends with quite a few guys in high school, I usually had zero indication of what their lasting impression of me would be. That fact used to really bother me. I don’t know why, but I think it’s because I knew that I would remember the things they said and did for quite a while, and I didn’t want to be quickly forgotten. This had me believe that guys didn’t have lasting impressions of anybody, which I considered to be a wonderful thing. I felt like an emotional girl that had the desperate need to tell her guy friends that she was going to miss them, while very few of them returned the favor. It doesn’t bother me anymore though, because I know now that being friends with girls in high school is just as confusing in regards to last impressions. High school girls tell you what they think of you, but half the time they’re lying. They’re the ones that write “let’s hang out” in your yearbook, with no intention of doing so. So the girls that seemed to like me in high school don’t make eye contact now, and the girls that I barely talked to run up to me in the supermarket. Really, then, I’m left just as uninformed with the girl’s lasting impression of me as I am with the guy’s. Sometimes I wish that the girls that barely knew me would just do the “what’s up?” nod that I get from high school boys instead of faux enthusiasm that I have to reciprocate in order to be polite.

Considering I’ve heard men and women talk about the people that made positive lasting impressions, I think that high school boys simply didn’t want to get sentimental over high school ending, and high school girls thought they were supposed to get sentimental over high school ending. The truth was, both parties were going to remember certain people for the positive or negative impact they had on them.

However, I still wondered about the impressions that I was leaving behind. This was why yearbooks were a big deal to me. My signature was my lasting impression. It had to be a good one. Around spring break, I would plan out what I was going to say in everyone’s yearbook. It couldn’t just be my name and a smiley face. It had to represent me and how I would miss that person without getting too mushy or creepy. It had to be specific. I never said “let’s hang out” because I knew I wouldn’t be able to follow through (although I may be wrong. I don’t remember now).

Some friends were easy to write for, but others (usually the guys) were more difficult because I wanted to be meaningful without giving them the wrong idea. They thought I was weird when they read my signatures, but I hoped that down the line, it would bring back pleasant memories.

I also knew I’d be signing the yearbooks of people I barely knew or didn’t particularly care for. I determined who those people would be and what I would say without pretending we were amazing friends or being completely dismissive. So when someone asked me to sign their yearbook that I didn’t anticipate, it totally threw me off. Yeah, I’m the crazy one.

It’s funny now, because I have no idea what I said in anyone’s yearbook at this point. There are some that I think I was too meaningful in, and those where I was dismissive when I shouldn’t have been. I do remember the gist of what I was going to say in a couple yearbooks I never got to sign, because those were lasting impressions I never got to make. Now I’m stuck wondering, like most people I guess.

At the same time, though, do I really want to know? If I wasn’t ignorant, I’d probably just be disappointed. Sure, there may be a couple pleasant surprises, but that wouldn’t make up for all the people that have forgotten me. I mean, I can’t expect people to remember me for that long. I’m not memorable, most people aren’t. Close friends and role models are memorable, but people are just people.

This reminds me of a time during sophomore year, when I saw a guy outside of school who just looked at me and said, “Hey, I know you!” I had absolutely no idea who he was. We had no classes together. He said he recognized me from the hall. I found out later we had a mutual friend as well, but I still was surprised. This was before I had acquired my Portal hoodie (the usual reason why people at school would recognize me), so I didn’t know why he remembered me. I almost felt bad I didn’t recognize him, even though I shouldn’t have. I doubt that I left a lasting impression in this guy’s mind or anything, but it still makes the point that sometimes the impressions aren’t mutual, and that’s to be expected.

All that I can do, then, is hope to be remembered. However, I matured a lot in high school. Maybe I should hope to be forgotten, because the person I am now is a lot different than the person I was four years ago. And by “different” I mean “immature” and “annoying.” Most everyone else was the same in their freshman year though, so I guess that doesn’t matter much. I guess I shouldn’t hope for anything, because the first and last impression someone has of me is something I can’t change. It is the way it is.

I’ll probably just be remembered as that nerd who liked Portal and talked too much. Hey, that’s accurate enough for me!

Brave New World: Soma vs. Shakespeare

It’s been a while since I’ve done a review, but I hope to get back into the swing of things before blogs become obsolete or something. Anyway, this is a book I read for school (the last one I’ll ever read for school! EVER!). I analyzed it pretty well since I had to write a paper on it. 

First Impressions: Brave New World isn’t a very deep book. I suppose, as with any book, you can analyze as deeply as you wish, but I don’t see that necessary. The characters are simple-minded, and the book is as well. The main thing I was paying attention to while reading this was how it compared to 1984 (review here). It was an interesting contrast. But more on that later. 

Short Synopsis: Bernard Marx is an outsider because he doesn’t like taking the “happy drug” soma. He likes to be angry and frustrated because it feels natural. He takes a woman, Lenina (who loves soma and everything in current society) on a vacation to see “The Savages.” There he meets John, who grew up feeling pain and struggling. Bernard takes John and John’s mother, Linda, back to the society with soma. Everyone praises Bernard for bringing Savages to them and he is no longer an outsider and, as a result, starts taking soma like everyone else and accepts how life is. John is outraged by what society has become and tries to isolates himself, but ends up drawing a crowd who persuades him to take soma. John realizes what he has done and kills himself. 

Bread and Circuses: One of the only authors John the Savage had access to as a child was Shakespeare. He grows up being articulate and curious, as any child would be. His mother, who grew up in the soma society until she was banished for becoming a mother, can’t answer any of his questions. She has no idea why the sky is blue, and she doesn’t care to find out. When John and Linda are in Bernard and Lenina’s society, Linda goes on a permanent soma holiday until she dies. No one has ever seen a middle aged woman before, so they are repulsed by her. Linda doesn’t really mind because she has craved soma ever since she was banished. John watches his mother die, and is bewildered when no one cares about her death and no one understands how upset he is regarding her death. Later, when he is talking to one of the controllers of western Europe, he is blown away by the fact that the controller is not ignorant at all. In fact, he knows more about art and culture than John does but he chose not to pursue it. John has the same reaction I have. WHAT?! How could someone be exposed to all these things and choose to live a life completely isolated from it forever?! But John can’t reason with the man. 

But really, who could have? This society was being well fed and entertained so there was no reason for them to question anything ever. Sure they were conditioned into the society by listening to recordings in their sleep as children and by taking soma, but societies today are the same way, even without drugs. There are people in this world who have never experienced squalid living conditions and are completely capable of noticing the corrupt conditions of the world they’re living in. But they don’t. Why would they need to? They have all the food they want and they have access to the extremely entertaining Internet. I’ve also met people who think that overall, mankind is good and there are just a few bad people in the world. They are wrong. So wrong. Overall, people are terrible and cruel and manipulative. But, as long as you are well fed and entertained, there’s no reason to ponder on this.

 Also, I think it is important to note that I’ve also met people who ponder a lot about the terribleness of the world. These people are very sad and negative, although everything they’re saying is true. So it seems like the only choices in life are to live happy and ignore all the badness or to live miserably and focus on the badness. I don’t agree with that statement, but I’ll talk about that another time because that topic is an immense digression from Brave New World. 

Parallels to 1984: The main parallel here is how reading about art and culture are viewed. Orwell’s idea of a dystopian society consisted of people who were afraid to read about art, culture, and science. Huxley’s idea of a dystopian society consisted of people who chose not to. 

Another similarity is that society doesn’t change in the end. There’s a character (in 1984 there’s two) who wants society to change. In 1984, the characters die trying, but don’t get close to changing anything. John the Savage isolates himself, which doesn’t help any, and people just think he’s weird. Both books end with an unchanged dystopian society. 

Really, though, could Huxley’s society even be considered a dystopian society? Everyone (at least in Western Europe) is happy and has what they want. Life is focused around pleasure. Is that such a bad thing? John the Savage thought so. I think so. What do you think? 

Final Thoughts: Again, this book isn’t very deep in my opinion. That’s one of the reason I like it so much. In both this and 1984 I didn’t have to analyze too much in order to understand how terrible their world is. 1984 was just more about realism and the darker side of dystopian societies while Brave New World is more focused on how people can be completely ok with corruption and such things as long as they’re kept happy. 

Highly recommend the book to anyone who likes dystopian novels. Personally, after I finish Fahrenheit 451, I’m done with dystopia. They’re all essentially the same, and the originals are the best, right? Unless someone else suggests a good modern one, I’m moving on to other genes after Fahrenheit 451. 

I have a lot of reading to do. I keep going to the library and picking up long books that I know I won’t get around to reading for a long time. Oh the curse of being a bookworm!

 

Graduation: It Happened, Move On

Graduation isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. I’ve heard and contemplated this so many times, that the meaning was lost. By the time it was almost graduation time, that phrase still circled my head, but it never really hit me until afterward.

As noted by my other post regarding senior year, I was already determined not to become too nostalgic or sentimental at the end of the year, and I succeeded. Sure, signing everyone’s yearbook was a little sad, especially for the people I literally had no way of contacting after the year was over, but I got over it. I actually felt sympathy for the couple friends I had that were taking graduation much too seriously. They were almost lamenting over the fact they may not see me again, and even got angry when I wasn’t sad. This was noted in my previous senior post, but it bears repeating since this irritation got a lot worse as the school year came to a close.

Another great thing about graduating is the production of good cake.

Overall, I was immensely excited and really wanted to get out. Although I love my friends and all my classes this year (most of the time), as the day grew closer, I became more antsy, as did everyone else. The hallway discussions of seniors often included the statement, “I just want to get out of here” which may or may not have had some obscenities interjected in there. We were all anxious, we were all in anticipation. Some of us were excited. 

I asked a lot of my friends if they were excited, before and immediately after graduation. Most of the girls said yes, most of the guys said no. I found this interesting. Excitement must only happen amongst the male gender when they kill everyone in their path during a video game. I’ve seen it. When I observe the guys playing Halo, it’s very loud and very hilarious watching them get mad for someone killing them, even though that’s the point of the game. Graduation produced more of a “meh” response. Most of the ones I talked to just wanted to get out. Even graduation produces different emotions between boys and girls, and no I will not refer to our demographic as men and women. We are legally men and women. Nothing in our minds and words imply anything of the sort.

Because the schedules were different practically every day, I must have said goodbye to my friends at least five times. I was always skeptical as to whether I would ever see them again, but I usually did anyway. But that was ok. The guys I hung out with were tolerant of my slight (slight) sentimentality and my insistence on writing more than just my name in their yearbook.

Oh..and presents! Graduating means getting presents!

The crossover assembly was very nice, and not as sad as I expected. My picture appeared only once in the Senior Slideshow (thank goodness). It was the day of my last serpentine and  I was being silly, and I’m usually not silly in pictures. It was weird seeing, because I hadn’t seen the picture since it was taken. My friend took the picture, and she submitted it. Still, it was a nice slideshow. The baby and primary school pictures were all very cute.

What was funny about the assembly that I particularly wanted to note was how they kept going on about how “special” this senior class was because we were the first freshmen in 25 years, and we get to witness this huge remodel of the school, and we won “Most School Spirited” two years in a row. That made me curious. What do they say to the other senior classes? Are all of them really all that great? But that’s the only thing that really stuck with me from the assembly, even though I’m supposed to remember this year of my life for a long time. I won’t. I’ll remember stress, mistakes, and maybe some friends I had. And the stabbing. That’s it. 

On the last day of my AP Lit class, it hit me that I wasn’t going to have this class anymore. It would be much more difficult to find people who enjoy Crime and Punishment as much as I do. Sure, I could friend my teacher on Facebook, but that isn’t the same. I know very few people who have read the books I have, and I don’t want that to sound conceited. I long to find those people! I want to start a Classic Literature book club but I have neither time nor the willing people. Usually, when I discuss the books I read, I either get people who have heard of it but haven’t read it or I get the look that screams “You read that?!” Only in my AP Lit class could I extensively analyze Brave New World (review here) and have people really listen to it. So, what saddened me most about leaving the class was not the fact the class was over, but now I had to make an effort to find people with similar interests. My close friends will gladly listen to me ramble on about the parallel between Lazarus and Raskolnikov. But that’s not really a discussion. But I’m over that now. I just hope that being away from AP Lit doesn't influence me to stop reading these types of books. 

The last day of school (which, for seniors, consisted of the crossover assembly, acquiring graduation tickets and going home) was full of last minute yearbook signing, hugs, and laughs and anticipation. Everyone looked happy, even though we were leaving. I suppose, technically, there was still the Senior Breakfast and the Senior Picnic, but I didn’t want to go to either of those. I had already said goodbye and had my closure, and I didn’t see any reason to make the goodbyes any harder. Besides, the Senior Picnic was at a water park, and I suspected it was going to rain that day. It did.

Graduation was almost unreal. Nothing spectacular happened, but it was weird being in a place that seemed so far off for so long. I got my diploma and blah blah blah. I said some last minute goodbyes to people and was so exhausted by that point, I wasn’t even excited anymore. I wanted to get out of there, and fast. So I came home and fell asleep until 8 or 9 at night. I didn’t eat dinner or anything. My body was almost at collapsing point and I was pretty grouchy. I feel bad now, because my parents were proud of me and wanted to go out to dinner, but I was exhausted and irritated, that I didn’t want to do anything at all. We settled for KFC. I wonder how I’ll be on my wedding day. I wonder if I’ll be so tired by the reception that I wouldn’t want to dance with my new husband and just want to sleep on the floor until everyone went home.

Now, I have way too much free time to know what to do with. I have yet to find a job, and have yet to obtain my license, and I can’t really start my life until I have both of those things. But until now, I had forgotten how long the days are and how slow time goes when you have nothing to do. I was hoping to get some more reading done…but I’ve been too lethargic to do anything. I’m still in the process of reading six or so books. My main goal is to finish Fahrenheit 451. This, I think, will be my last dystopian book that I read. They’re all the same. The main ones that were considered original in the era they were written are 1984, Brave New World, and Fahrenheit 451. After that, dystopian novels are predictable and cliché. If there’s one I’m missing, let me know. But those three are the ones everyone talks about. I got many books as graduation presents, so I should be set for a while, in regards to reading. But I can never keep away. I checked out more books today and I had to use my mom’s card because mine has been blocked for a while now. I have yet to read the books I checked out on my card, but I think I’ll return them anyway. Mystery isn’t really my thing, although the Agatha Christie book I did read was very good. Just not C&P good. Besides, I want to read The Jungle next.

My high school experience hasn’t been a very significant one in regards to my peers. Frankly, I wasn’t popular enough to be remembered by a lot of people, and I doubt I’ll remember a lot of the friends I had after several years. All I’ll know is that I embraced nerdiness, and surrounded myself with nerdy people (mostly guys) when I was a senior. By that time though, I’ll probably mush junior and senior year together. I’ll probably remember all the stupid things I did, and not enough of the cool things I did. I might remember that I refused to act fully silly and weird around anyone but Hayley, because I have always had this phobia (yes, an irrational fear) of looking stupid around people smarter/cooler/better than me. I considered most of my friends cooler than me. And many of them were smarter than me because they had embraced nerdiness long before I had. I’ll probably remember how I hated sitting in the back of the Sno-Isle bus, and how stressful Sno-Isle was my senior year. But these nostalgic moments (especially after I’m pretty much settled down) will more than likely be few and far between. High school is supposed to be a faded memory because there’s so much you have to do after graduation. Being well known in high school doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll become your definition of “successful” when you’re older. Vice versa applies as well. Saying you went to high school with a celebrity isn’t as cool as it sounds because, chances are, you hardly remember them at all.

Of course, I want everyone I went to high school with (including those who have yet to graduate) to have happy lives. Just, please don’t take it personally if I unfriend you on Facebook after a couple months or years. You probably wouldn’t remember me if we weren’t friends of Facebook, and there’s really no reason to remember me anyway. You have better things to think about than high school, and as do I. So please, do not think I’m doing this because you have offended me in some way or I think you are no longer suitable for friendship of the Facebook kind. I am only moving on from the past, as you should be.

Best wishes.

The Fault in Our Stars: Not Your Average “Teen Book”

First Impressions: Well, now you all know my secret. I don’t only read Classic Literature. I went through a phase where I read “chick books.” It was all love and romance and, frankly, boring. I am familiar with John Green as a youtuber, but I also knew he was a novelist. When he read the first chapter of The Fault in Our Stars (TFiOS), I was blown away. After pre-ordering the book, I anxiously waited for my package to arrive. When it did, I promptly read the book in two days. It does not even compare to the “chick books” I read in middle school. Hazel is no Emma Bovary.

Quick Synopsis: Hazel is a sixteen-year-old with “lungs that suck at being lungs.” She has cancer. She meets Augustus (or Gus), a teenager who fears oblivion and has a prosthetic leg from a previous meeting with cancer. They end up...well...to quote Avril Lavigne: “Can I make it any more obvious?” It is somewhat of a love story...but not the love stories that Justin Bieber and Edward Cullen portray.

Deeper Meanings: There was one thing that many of the young adult novels I read was missing. That thing was substance. The entire novel was composed of words that a hopeless romantic thirteen-year-old would find deep and meaningful. TFiOS is completely different. For me, it is the type of book you could enjoy if you simply read it or analyzed it. This type is rare: a young adult novel that can be analyzed. Perhaps I am making generalizations, but the books that are discussed at my school the most often are the types of books that have pretend deeper meaning. In other words, the romantic relationships are not realistic, therefore, any “symbols” and “poetry” is all for naught, because the relationship itself is nothing more than Cuddle Time. TFiOS puts young love in a whole new perspective for me. For one thing, Hazel and Augustus have a friend Issac, who is dating a girl. He and his girlfriend whisper “always” to each other all the time. It’s their word. Frankly, if Hazel’s and Augustus’s word was “always” then I would have stopped reading. But that is not the case. Their word is “okay.” This makes so much more sense to me. Love can’t currently last forever. There, I said it. Unless there’s a scientific breakthrough or some other miracle, forever is not possible. So I’m slightly annoyed when I see my peers tell their significant other that they’ll always be together. Especially because they said the same thing to another person a month ago. Hazel and Gus have “okay.” I love it because it isn’t used to remind the reader Hazel could die soon because she has cancer, but instead to portray their love as being real. Realistically, the relationship may not work out. After reading this, I want my word with my future boyfriend to be “okay.” But since that’s taken, we’ll probably use something stupid, like “chicken.” But we’ll think it’s funny or something even though none of our friends get the joke. Kids these days...

Allusions: Another important thing to note is that there are allusions to other books that teens commonly read in school, which I loved. The title itself is a Shakespeare reference.There’s a Great Gatsby reference, which I didn’t even get until I read a forum about the book. Augustus also likes to hang an unlit cigarette out of his mouth. It’s a metaphor. He’s refusing to let the cancer kill him. However, he puts the cigarette in his mouth when he’s feeling somewhat insecure. Insecure? Catcher in the Rye? Anyone? So this is another reason why I think teens that enjoy analyzing books (and English class) should read TFiOS. There’s probably more references I’m missing. I’ve only read the book once, so I wasn’t really looking for any. Now...if John Green decides to reference Crime and Punishment in his new book, I will love him forever. I mean...until I die. Yeah, that’s sounds more realistic.

Bottom Line: Okay, to those of you who know me personally, or have read my first blog post, you know that I will never date in high school. But keep in mind that that is my personal preference. The majority of high school relationships I see end very quickly. That’s not always the case. Another thing I love about TFiOS is that, although it’s about a relationship, it doesn’t promote nor demote dating. There’s nothing about how amazing dating is, and there’s no “big fight” scene where they almost break up and a tearful reunion. It did not try and change my views on dating. Overall, it is an amazing book and John Green is an extremely talented author, and I am very happy that I got a signed copy.

To all nerdfighters: It was Hanklerfished too! DFTBA!

1984: A New Type of Bro Code

First Impressions: I’ve heard about this book a lot, so I thought it was finally time to settle down and read it. It did not disappoint. Now when someone mentions Bro Code, I think, "Big Bro is watching you. Dude."

Short Synopsis: The Party is the government. Big Brother is how it watches everything. If you try and rebel, you are vaporized. If you even think about rebelling, you are vaporized. Winston hates The Party. He starts a love affair with Julia, who also hates The Party. They eventually are tortured to the point where they both are forced to believe the government is always right.

Realism: The main thing that struck me the most about this novel is the realistic aspect. Now that I think about it, a lot of the books I enjoy have a realistic aspect. I think I like Realism. Anyway, 1984 is known for how realistic it is. It is completely possible that the government could become like this sometime in future. Although the book didn’t turn me into a conspiracy theorist, it did make me think. The children are complete savages, which is totally plausible if they are taught from an early age that going against the government is bad. There’s one part in the book where a guy is brought to prison because he said “down with Big Brother” in his sleep and his daughter caught him. The guy commended his daughter for catching him before it was too late! Winston comments that most parents are terrified of their children.

Another realistic concept is the people’s stupidity. Winston’s job is to make The Party always right. This means deleting or altering articles that would ever hint they are wrong. If anyone questions it, they are killed or tortured to the point of obedience. This makes sense because if there are only people left who wouldn’t rebel against The Party, why wouldn’t everyone believe the altered past. No one is allowed to have friendships or any sort of relationships. The only people left are the emotionless, dreary ones. Sex is only used for procreation, not pleasure. When O’Brien was speaking to Winston, he said that The Party wanted to make sex an annual event that would not be enjoyable, but necessary in order to create more humans.

Despite the extremeness of The Party, I can see this happening if the government took enough control and promised enough reward. This book is written realistically enough to be downright scary.

Julia: She played a big part in the story, but honestly, I didn’t notice her all that much. She was interesting, but she was essentially a second Winston (minus the rat phobia). I, personally, was much more interested in the acts of The Party, not the interaction of Winston and Julia, although it is an important aspect to the story and should not be overlooked.

Final Thoughts: I believe that 1984 is a novel that everyone should try reading. It was written in the fifties so the language is simple, and the plot itself is very digestible. But it gives a very interesting perspective on life and how controlling the government could hypothetically become. Even if you’re not necessarily interested in classic literature, I highly recommend it.

This is similar to Brave New World. Read that review here: Brave New World: Soma vs. Shakespeare

Madame Bovary: It's All in Your Head

First Impressions: The main character, Emma Bovary, reminds me of the a lot of teen girls that go to my high school. They're so focused on obtaining that warm and fuzzy feeling that comes with infatuation, they forget that real love (past the honeymoon phase) doesn't feel like that at all.

Short Synopsis (I'm going to try and make these as short as possible from now on): Emma marries a man names Charles Bovary, but gets tried of him due to lack of sophistication. This results in her having two love affairs. Later, she begins splurging so much that she and Charles have no way of repaying the debt she (and partially Charles) caused. The only way to solve her problems is to kill herself, which she accomplishes by consuming arsenic.

Emma's Fantasy: Emma Bovary grew up reading romantic books with no one to tell her that those books didn't accurately describe how real love works. As a result, she became obsessed with finding "love," which wasn't really love at all. Charles is clumsy and undignified. Emma becomes repulsed by him. Leon leaves her because he doesn't think he can have a physical relationship with Emma (until later when he comes back and it starts all over again) and Rodolphe ends up being a ladies man who has had several mistresses and leaves her when she becomes boring. Charles is a genuinely good husband for her. He views her as flawless and would do anything to make sure she gets what she wants. But Emma doesn't want a husband. She wants a fling. At one point the book mentions how Leon  was more of a mistress to her than vise versa. I agree, because she was the seducer and manipulator in the relationship. Not so much with Rodolphe, but he had had practice with plenty of women.

Modern Day Emmas: The reason I chose to read this book was because Emma reminds me of a lot of teen girls today. You know that whole theory that Nice Guys get stuck in the "friend zone" while the girls go and date jerks? I am now calling those girls "EBs" or "Emma Bovarys". Those girls don't want a relationship, they want the warm and fuzzy feeling. The Bad Boys are dangerous and cool.They are sometimes more attractive than Nice Guys. An EB would want to go on motorcycle rides and sneak out and feel dangerous. A non-EB would look for a boy that her parents would like (hopefully) and would treat her with respect. She would want a boy that could be a potential husband. Of course, EBs are confused as to why there are no nice guys out there. Emma was the same way. She was devastated when Rodolphe left her. In her mind, no one could beat him. She had forgotten about Leon completely. Then when he came back, she told him she was going to kill her self if she didn't get to see him again. Usually I am angered by EBs. But Madame Bovary was hilarious because Emma's thinking was exaggerated just enough to make it a little ridiculous, but still realistic.

Complete Failure: She failed, and failed hard. Everything she did went wrong because she was so stuck in her fantasy. Emma's marriage with Charles went horribly in her mind (Charles was too oblivious to know about either love affair until after she died so he thought their marriage was fine). Both love affairs ended. Being a mother wasn't all it was cracked  up to be so she left her daughter with a wet nurse almost all the time and rarely mentioned her at all. She used splurging to make herself feel better and to buy gifts for Rodolphe, but that just launched her into debt. And finally, Emma tried to die with dignity by eating arsenic. She ended up having convulsions and vomiting blood, so even that didn't go the way she wanted to. But it was all her fault. She completely failed at life.

Humor: This book is really funny. My favorite quote is "Isn't it a man's job to know everything?" Anything that emphasizes Emma's ridiculousness made me laugh. And also the part about Leon basically stalking Emma and no one seems to care. And anything about how Charles is repulsive to Emma. She is even repulsed by his teeth at one point! But then when there's the possibility of Charles doing a breakthrough surgery that could make them a lot of money, she changes her mind and says he isn't as bad as she thought he was. Then the surgery doesn't work and she goes back to hating him. I thought I'd be so irritated with Emma's behavior, but I couldn't stop cracking up!

Final Thoughts: This book was heavily criticized for the realistic aspect when it was first published. It's interesting how the most controversial books are usually the best ones to read. I don't think Catcher in the Rye would be nearly as famous if it wasn't one of the most banned books in schools. If this is the case, I think there should be more controversy in books. Maybe then kids would read more.